I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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