I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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