he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
