I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
