im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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