Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
