:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
