Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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