i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
