i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
God, I missed his penis.
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