The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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