last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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