Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
