Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
