The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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