i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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