Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Text me some of your sweat
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
