yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
