Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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