If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
