Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Bring me that man meat
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
