??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
