I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
