Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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