I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
