apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
