i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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