Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
