alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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