Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you had me at cake vodka
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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