Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Couch. On fire.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
