Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
