How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
