I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
