are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
