My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
