We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
