I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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