Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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