I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
