I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize