Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
