It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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