Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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