so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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