pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
