It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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