I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
