Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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