Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
