if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
