Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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