We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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