just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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