Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
