first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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