omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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