oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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