Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
