my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
