Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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