I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
