my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
