on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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