i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
