And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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