You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
