i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
