Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
