So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
